i wil be still

it has been 6 days since i left reedley and i feel restless already. i dont know, i just feel the need to have a new job right away. i guess, i'm used to doing a lot of stuff that is why i feel uneasy now because i dont have anything to do yet. well, aside from the revisions for my thesis which is due this week and my review for the upcoming foreign service exams, i have nothing else to do. yesterday, i just spent the whole day watching tv and using the computer, which is not my idea of making my days productive. yeah, yeah i know i sound like a raving workaholic, which i think i am (but not too much of course!) but i cant help it. although the thought of a new career truly excites me, i cant help but feel confused. i guess leaving reedley puts me in a crossroad, wherein i dont really know where to go..im not so sure what i really want to do.

i found it funny and scary at the same time when i read my sister's blog and she has the same sentiments about leaving med school. wow, we are both clueless! is it genetic? is it in the blood? (i nullify that in Jesus' Name!) well i guess, we both want to do a lot of things that is why we dont have a clue yet of what we are really called to do. but one thing's for sure, my sister and i are destined for greater things. we are called to do things that may be bigger than ourselves, but things that would glorify God in our lives.

i told my mom about how restless i feel these days because i really have no idea where to go. i guess my organized self is trying to make sense of things and is not used to not knowing what to do. but my mom reminded me of what i told her before, that i would be still and at peace amidst everything. and yeah, i did say that before........hmmmmm...a slap in the face..hehe but then, i realized that this is the best time for me to really be still and put my faith to work.

and besides, terence told me that i should cherish all the free time that i have. at least, i'd be well rested before i get back to work. i realized that he's right..i've never really had a break from work without thinking about the things i have to do. i better make the most out of this time. relax, relax, relax!

i may not know what is ahead of me....well in fact, i dont have to know now. because i believe that God will reveal it to me in His time and His favor will be upon me. I will be still because i know that He is God. not knowing what lies ahead really scares me, but i believe that He is in control, not me. I will find favor in the eyes of men because the Lord lives in me.


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i am planning to go to this bridal fair on saturday at rockwell tent. i am excited. well, i hope it wont freak terence out cuz it's a bit early to plan for our 2009 wedding, but it helps to be prepared. i want both of us to have an idea of what we want for our wedding. though they say that weddings are for the brides, i want our wedding to be something we both want and would enjoy. i really want it to be special...of course, its not about the cake, the dress or other stuff..but i want it to be something we would look back at fondly for the rest of our lives. heehee i get mushy whenever that subject comes up. dont blame me, i will only get married once..i better make it good. =)

you know what i want do right now?

i want to spend the whole day at the beach..wade in the blue waters, lie down on my back and bathe in the sun...listen to the crashing waves and relish the peace and quiet..

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i want to drive in a deserted highway and feel the wind on my face...

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i want to stay in bed and watch Friends with my sister..

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i want to finish my thesis and earn my Masters degree..

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i want to get the job i so wanted and be successful in it..

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i want to splurge and buy all the VNC shoes that i have been eyeing..

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i want to clean my room, put more shelves and buy a new bed..

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i want to change my wardrobe for a more professional look..

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i want to eat dulce de leche cheesecake and drink mine shine milk tea

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i want to spend quality time with my baby - doing nothing, saying nothing, laughing about nothing/anything and yet having the grandest time...

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i want to spend a whole day doing nothing but meditating on God's Word and marvel at His plans for my life...

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i want to do all of these things RIGHT NOW!!! haaaay..

you are my miracle too..

don't blame me if i am starting to plan for our 2009 wedding this early. i'm trying to picture it already..after all, i want it to be perfect..well, i know it's going to be perfect because i will be marrying someone i love so much..(okay, okay..im getting way too mushy!) but i can't help but be excited about it..i'm trying to plan things out in my head and i really want it to be special. a simple and special wedding but nothing too grand..what i want is that all the people we care for will be there, and that my groom will be there as well...hahaha of course, he'd better be! =P

terence made me listen to a song he dedicates for me..and believe it or not, i get teary-eyed whenever i hear it because i picture him singing this song to me on our wedding day. haaaay..love! hehe


"Angels Brought Me Here"

[Verse 1]
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

[Bridge]
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Verse 2]
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

[Bridge 2]
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Bridge 3]
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...



my baby, you are my miracle too..i love you so much! =)

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i just had my first job interview after 5 years! it was at john clements and it went well naman..(although the people who interviewed me wondered why i wanted to leave my job now). this is exciting! i'm just waiting for another interview with their HR manager..Lord, i know all is well! i dont know what the result would be but i believe that God will give me the right company, the right position at the right time..can't wait! =)

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i told some of my counselees already that i am leaving..some of them took it well, but there were others who really felt bad about it. they even got angry at me and tried to bargain for me to stay for one more year..i kinda expected that, because i know that they would think that i'm leaving them. but i know that in time they will understand. and besides, i'm pretty sure that they would get over that fast..

it's their last day tomorrow and i am kinda dreading it. i mean, this is it..this is really goodbye. though of course, i expect to run into them at one time or another, but it's not going to be the same. no more call-outs, no more tambays in my office before classes and until recess is over, no more hugs, no more "oh my god miss, you know what..." i know i will REALLY, REALLY, REALLY miss those..more than words can say. but like what i told myself a hundred of times, this is something i have to do. change is something that i need in order to find myself. haaay, it makes me teary-eyed just by thinking about it. i know that i should not be attached to them, as a counselor, i should know that well. but these kids have been a part of my life for 5 years and it is painful to let all of them go. but life must go on. it may be hard for me now, but i know that this is for the best. God has a great plan for me in the new career that i am venturing into. and i know that God has great plans for my "kids" as well...


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goodbyes are really tough..that's why im never fond of it. but goodbyes are also beginnings..a beginning of even better things, a beginning of change..and i know change is good..i like changes..=)

actually, i've been thinking of a number of changes that i'd be having this quarter of the year. i need God's wisdom on how to deal with everything..basta, change is good..change is good..

hehe pardon my babbling..im just talking to myself..=P

on heroes..

a number of people told us it was worth watching so we decided to give it a try...and besides, it was a long weekend and watching movies is one of our hobbies as a couple, and so we did.

and it turns out to be really interesting. what struck me the most is the fact that the characters' lives are so much intertwined. i remember the song, "the pilgrim's theme," which says that we are all part of the greater scheme of things and i guess, heroes affirms that in a way.

it speaks of destiny, that no matter how badly they want to turn away from it, even try to erase one's memory of it, a hero will always be a hero. some characters may be taking the word "hero" a little too seriously, like they really want to save the world singlehandedly. but saving the world does not require a superman nor a spiderman to accomplish such a task..it may mean saving the world, one person at a time. most of them have yet to know what they are capable of and i guess, being a hero means that you help these people realize their full potential and use it..to benefit the majority, of course.

it is fun to watch the series, even imagining what i would do if i have one of their powers. actually, i would want the power to hear other people's thoughts and the power to heal..hehe anyways, i have realized that we all have powers inside of us. maybe not supernatural powers like theirs, but we have the power to make a difference. we may not be able to fly or teleport or go through walls, but God lives on the inside of us and that is all the power that we need......to change the world, by touching people's lives with God's grace and mercy.


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i watched one episode of "ellen" and she interviewed some of the cast of heroes, i got curious then why this japanese guy is so popular because he got the loudest applause. now i know why..hiro nakamura is so cute! and so endearing! heehee he's actually my favorite "hero." =)

ode to my family =P

we celebrated papa's birthday yesterday, along with terence and lopao (their future sons-in-law..hahaha)..i realized that i missed my family a lot. i know i get to spend time with them naman at home..but things are a bit different now..for one, of course, len doesn't get to spend much time at home like before..we rarely have our usual saturday morning breakfast and sunday lunch together now. and i miss those times, because that's the only time that we get to talk lengthily about how our week was and we'd laugh about random stuff that happened as well. wala lang, kakamiss lang un..but i know naman na we make up for it when we have time. i look forward nga when len is "benign" na in her rotation, para i could get to see more of her at home.. =)

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brand new week ahead..i may not know what's in store for this week..but i'm definitely up for any challenge! haha

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i'll be meeting my thesis adviser later...and if she is satisfied with my draft, we'd be preparing na for my final defense. scary but exciting. i mean, i've come this far and i really want to get it over and done with already. ate my told me nga last week, "di ka pa rin tapos jan? ang tagal na nyan ah." hehe that tells me na it's really now or never..hehe The Lord is my wisdom and strength..I can do this in Him who strengthens me. =)

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only 2 more months to go...i've realized that there's still a lot to be done, in so little time...i better start preparing myself...i've never been fond of goodbyes...

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my colleague told me that my students noticed that i'm a bit distant this year than last year..he told me that it might be because of pain of separation.. that got me thinking..is it really that? have i been too hard on my kids? =( that's why i told myself that these last few weeks should be better..i dont want to leave with my kids thinking that way. i want to leave with a BANG! hehe

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although i dread the thought of leaving the place i have called my home for 5 years, i am very much excited to look forward to what God has in store for me after reedley. God has told me to be still for quite a while now, and i know that the right time will come for me. i will be victorious! i will conquer!

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of course, it's gonna be scary..after all, this was my first ever job. so technically, i'm inexperienced when it comes to jobhunting and stuff..but like what Covey says, going out of your comfort zone requires courage. and i know that this is the start of the growth that i am seeking after - both in my career and in my personal life.

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i am still trying to figure out how to say goodbye to my dear kids..if it's a big deal to them, i dont know..but it really is a big deal for me..because they have been my "kids" since my first year here in reedley and more or less, i know them well already. i have treated them like my younger siblings and even friends. i definitely will miss all of them!

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of course, not to mention the people i have worked with through all those years..we've shared a lot of tough times but we were able to pull through. they were able to teach me a lot of things that helped me grow in more ways than one. they are some of the genuine people i know and look up to.

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reedley is definitely special..the growth of the school over the years is remarkable. and like what ate honey always tells me, "there is no way to go but up!"

the school is really destined for great things. i know so...i believe so...