Making Each Day Count

i wil be still

2008-04-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

it has been 6 days since i left reedley and i feel restless already. i dont know, i just feel the need to have a new job right away. i guess, i'm used to doing a lot of stuff that is why i feel uneasy now because i dont have anything to do yet. well, aside from the revisions for my thesis which is due this week and my review for the upcoming foreign service exams, i have nothing else to do. yesterday, i just spent the whole day watching tv and using the computer, which is not my idea of making my days productive. yeah, yeah i know i sound like a raving workaholic, which i think i am (but not too much of course!) but i cant help it. although the thought of a new career truly excites me, i cant help but feel confused. i guess leaving reedley puts me in a crossroad, wherein i dont really know where to go..im not so sure what i really want to do.

i found it funny and scary at the same time when i read my sister's blog and she has the same sentiments about leaving med school. wow, we are both clueless! is it genetic? is it in the blood? (i nullify that in Jesus' Name!) well i guess, we both want to do a lot of things that is why we dont have a clue yet of what we are really called to do. but one thing's for sure, my sister and i are destined for greater things. we are called to do things that may be bigger than ourselves, but things that would glorify God in our lives.

i told my mom about how restless i feel these days because i really have no idea where to go. i guess my organized self is trying to make sense of things and is not used to not knowing what to do. but my mom reminded me of what i told her before, that i would be still and at peace amidst everything. and yeah, i did say that before........hmmmmm...a slap in the face..hehe but then, i realized that this is the best time for me to really be still and put my faith to work.

and besides, terence told me that i should cherish all the free time that i have. at least, i'd be well rested before i get back to work. i realized that he's right..i've never really had a break from work without thinking about the things i have to do. i better make the most out of this time. relax, relax, relax!

i may not know what is ahead of me....well in fact, i dont have to know now. because i believe that God will reveal it to me in His time and His favor will be upon me. I will be still because i know that He is God. not knowing what lies ahead really scares me, but i believe that He is in control, not me. I will find favor in the eyes of men because the Lord lives in me.

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i am planning to go to this bridal fair on saturday at rockwell tent. i am excited. well, i hope it wont freak terence out cuz it's a bit early to plan for our 2009 wedding, but it helps to be prepared. i want both of us to have an idea of what we want for our wedding. though they say that weddings are for the brides, i want our wedding to be something we both want and would enjoy. i really want it to be special...of course, its not about the cake, the dress or other stuff..but i want it to be something we would look back at fondly for the rest of our lives. heehee i get mushy whenever that subject comes up. dont blame me, i will only get married once..i better make it good. =)

you know what i want do right now?

2008-03-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

i want to spend the whole day at the beach..wade in the blue waters, lie down on my back and bathe in the sun...listen to the crashing waves and relish the peace and quiet..

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i want to drive in a deserted highway and feel the wind on my face...

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i want to stay in bed and watch Friends with my sister..

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i want to finish my thesis and earn my Masters degree..

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i want to get the job i so wanted and be successful in it..

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i want to splurge and buy all the VNC shoes that i have been eyeing..

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i want to clean my room, put more shelves and buy a new bed..

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i want to change my wardrobe for a more professional look..

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i want to eat dulce de leche cheesecake and drink mine shine milk tea

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i want to spend quality time with my baby - doing nothing, saying nothing, laughing about nothing/anything and yet having the grandest time...

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i want to spend a whole day doing nothing but meditating on God's Word and marvel at His plans for my life...

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i want to do all of these things RIGHT NOW!!! haaaay..

you are my miracle too..

2008-03-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

don't blame me if i am starting to plan for our 2009 wedding this early. i'm trying to picture it already..after all, i want it to be perfect..well, i know it's going to be perfect because i will be marrying someone i love so much..(okay, okay..im getting way too mushy!) but i can't help but be excited about it..i'm trying to plan things out in my head and i really want it to be special. a simple and special wedding but nothing too grand..what i want is that all the people we care for will be there, and that my groom will be there as well...hahaha of course, he'd better be! =P

terence made me listen to a song he dedicates for me..and believe it or not, i get teary-eyed whenever i hear it because i picture him singing this song to me on our wedding day. haaaay..love! hehe

"Angels Brought Me Here"

[Verse 1]
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

[Bridge]
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Verse 2]
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

[Bridge 2]
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Bridge 3]
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

my baby, you are my miracle too..i love you so much! =)

thought bubbles

2008-03-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

i just had my first job interview after 5 years! it was at john clements and it went well naman..(although the people who interviewed me wondered why i wanted to leave my job now). this is exciting! i'm just waiting for another interview with their HR manager..Lord, i know all is well! i dont know what the result would be but i believe that God will give me the right company, the right position at the right time..can't wait! =)

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i told some of my counselees already that i am leaving..some of them took it well, but there were others who really felt bad about it. they even got angry at me and tried to bargain for me to stay for one more year..i kinda expected that, because i know that they would think that i'm leaving them. but i know that in time they will understand. and besides, i'm pretty sure that they would get over that fast..

it's their last day tomorrow and i am kinda dreading it. i mean, this is it..this is really goodbye. though of course, i expect to run into them at one time or another, but it's not going to be the same. no more call-outs, no more tambays in my office before classes and until recess is over, no more hugs, no more "oh my god miss, you know what..." i know i will REALLY, REALLY, REALLY miss those..more than words can say. but like what i told myself a hundred of times, this is something i have to do. change is something that i need in order to find myself. haaay, it makes me teary-eyed just by thinking about it. i know that i should not be attached to them, as a counselor, i should know that well. but these kids have been a part of my life for 5 years and it is painful to let all of them go. but life must go on. it may be hard for me now, but i know that this is for the best. God has a great plan for me in the new career that i am venturing into. and i know that God has great plans for my "kids" as well...

@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@

goodbyes are really tough..that's why im never fond of it. but goodbyes are also beginnings..a beginning of even better things, a beginning of change..and i know change is good..i like changes..=)

actually, i've been thinking of a number of changes that i'd be having this quarter of the year. i need God's wisdom on how to deal with everything..basta, change is good..change is good..

hehe pardon my babbling..im just talking to myself..=P

on heroes..

2008-02-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

a number of people told us it was worth watching so we decided to give it a try...and besides, it was a long weekend and watching movies is one of our hobbies as a couple, and so we did.

and it turns out to be really interesting. what struck me the most is the fact that the characters' lives are so much intertwined. i remember the song, "the pilgrim's theme," which says that we are all part of the greater scheme of things and i guess, heroes affirms that in a way.

it speaks of destiny, that no matter how badly they want to turn away from it, even try to erase one's memory of it, a hero will always be a hero. some characters may be taking the word "hero" a little too seriously, like they really want to save the world singlehandedly. but saving the world does not require a superman nor a spiderman to accomplish such a task..it may mean saving the world, one person at a time. most of them have yet to know what they are capable of and i guess, being a hero means that you help these people realize their full potential and use it..to benefit the majority, of course.

it is fun to watch the series, even imagining what i would do if i have one of their powers. actually, i would want the power to hear other people's thoughts and the power to heal..hehe anyways, i have realized that we all have powers inside of us. maybe not supernatural powers like theirs, but we have the power to make a difference. we may not be able to fly or teleport or go through walls, but God lives on the inside of us and that is all the power that we need......to change the world, by touching people's lives with God's grace and mercy.

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i watched one episode of "ellen" and she interviewed some of the cast of heroes, i got curious then why this japanese guy is so popular because he got the loudest applause. now i know why..hiro nakamura is so cute! and so endearing! heehee he's actually my favorite "hero." =)

ode to my family =P

2008-02-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

we celebrated papa's birthday yesterday, along with terence and lopao (their future sons-in-law..hahaha)..i realized that i missed my family a lot. i know i get to spend time with them naman at home..but things are a bit different now..for one, of course, len doesn't get to spend much time at home like before..we rarely have our usual saturday morning breakfast and sunday lunch together now. and i miss those times, because that's the only time that we get to talk lengthily about how our week was and we'd laugh about random stuff that happened as well. wala lang, kakamiss lang un..but i know naman na we make up for it when we have time. i look forward nga when len is "benign" na in her rotation, para i could get to see more of her at home.. =)

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brand new week ahead..i may not know what's in store for this week..but i'm definitely up for any challenge! haha

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i'll be meeting my thesis adviser later...and if she is satisfied with my draft, we'd be preparing na for my final defense. scary but exciting. i mean, i've come this far and i really want to get it over and done with already. ate my told me nga last week, "di ka pa rin tapos jan? ang tagal na nyan ah." hehe that tells me na it's really now or never..hehe The Lord is my wisdom and strength..I can do this in Him who strengthens me. =)

thought bubbles

2008-02-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

only 2 more months to go...i've realized that there's still a lot to be done, in so little time...i better start preparing myself...i've never been fond of goodbyes...

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my colleague told me that my students noticed that i'm a bit distant this year than last year..he told me that it might be because of pain of separation.. that got me thinking..is it really that? have i been too hard on my kids? =( that's why i told myself that these last few weeks should be better..i dont want to leave with my kids thinking that way. i want to leave with a BANG! hehe

******

although i dread the thought of leaving the place i have called my home for 5 years, i am very much excited to look forward to what God has in store for me after reedley. God has told me to be still for quite a while now, and i know that the right time will come for me. i will be victorious! i will conquer!

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of course, it's gonna be scary..after all, this was my first ever job. so technically, i'm inexperienced when it comes to jobhunting and stuff..but like what Covey says, going out of your comfort zone requires courage. and i know that this is the start of the growth that i am seeking after - both in my career and in my personal life.

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i am still trying to figure out how to say goodbye to my dear kids..if it's a big deal to them, i dont know..but it really is a big deal for me..because they have been my "kids" since my first year here in reedley and more or less, i know them well already. i have treated them like my younger siblings and even friends. i definitely will miss all of them!

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of course, not to mention the people i have worked with through all those years..we've shared a lot of tough times but we were able to pull through. they were able to teach me a lot of things that helped me grow in more ways than one. they are some of the genuine people i know and look up to.

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reedley is definitely special..the growth of the school over the years is remarkable. and like what ate honey always tells me, "there is no way to go but up!"

the school is really destined for great things. i know so...i believe so...

after a week of rest...

2008-01-15T22:17:00.000-08:00

wow, it feels good to be back in school. i was absent for like 5 whole days because of some viral infection.

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it was my first time to be admitted in the hospital for 3 days. it was quite an experience..but looking at the bright side of it, at least i got to rest...although of course, my mind was still filled with work to be done. (eden, workaholic! wehehe)

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it also made me realize how fortunate i am to have my family and loved ones with me during that time. my family never left my side, even if that means they had to give up sleeping comfortably for 2 nights in a row..even if that means they had to stay and make me bantay 24/7...even if that means they had to make sure that i am eating well at all times...

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i kinda miss spending the whole day with my dad at home...genuine bonding time..

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but of course, i'm more thankful that i am well now..i thank the people who prayed for my recovery. I give all the praises to my Healer because He is the God that healeth me.

at dahil maaga ako..

2007-12-20T15:14:00.000-08:00

hehe ang dami ko na naman entries sa aking bagong blog..last day ng work today for the year. and Christmas party ng personnel later. 11am ang dapat time-in ko..pero dahil ayokong mag-commute at ayokong ma-traffic, sumabay pa rin ako kay mama..at ayan, 630 pa lang, andito na ko sa school..hehe at least, i could get to do the paperworks that need to be done before vacation.

i was looking through my email messages and i saw some pics that i sent bes macmac before, when we were preparing a powerpoint presentation for girald, before he left for dubai. wala lang..kakamiss lang ang mga good ol' times ko with my dear friends..

this was taken nung nag-star city kame..hehe one of the boys nga ako e..di kase sumipot ung iba..

celebration ng barkada when rowell passed the ECE board exams..kakamiss ung pag complete ang barkada..=(

hehe one of the boys na naman..pano naman kase, ako lang ang laging free..hehe motto ko na noon e, "who needs a boyfriend when you have the best BOY friends ever?!"

this was taken during g's younger brother's wake..we really made him feel that we are there for him no matter what..as in, complete attendance kame ni ae sa wake..

haaay...kakamiss!!!

"i know exactly how you feel..."

2007-12-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

"i know exactly how you feel..in fact, what happened to me was worse.."

one thing i've learned in my 5 years as a counselor is to never, ever tell your counselees that you know exactly how they feel. cuz you would never really know how they feel..the situations may be similar, but never exactly the same. although sometimes, i fail in doing this, i really try my best to be conscious never to say those words to them.

i got really frustrated when i heard the exact same words from someone. well, of course, i just told myself that this person meant well. but still, it's really frustrating. i felt like that person made fun of how i was feeling and told me that although she's going through the same thing, she's not affected as i was. excuse me if i'm being emotional..she did not go through the same things that i did..she did not experience the hardships i've gone through to get to where i am today. and letting all those go is really a challenge for me. and of course, she does not know me that well to tell me how i should i feel.

oh well, i know better than to be affected by this. i've got a lot of other things to focus my mind on. Lord, thank You for Your love that overflows..=)

when you think about it...

2007-12-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

i really love the christmas season..it's like everyone's in good spirits and i can really feel the season everywhere i go. although i can say that it's not as festive as it used to be, but i still feel excited whenever it's november already..=)

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although the traffic is the worst at this time of the year.. =/

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saying goodbye is really hard..i'm really not fond of it..especially if the person you're saying goodbye to is really affected by it...gosh! it really sucks!

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my last christmas in reedley..sniff..i'll miss yearly celebrations like this..

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come to think of it, 3 months na lang...i've realized that i've got little time left..little time to make a difference..little time to show these kids how much they mean to me, how special they are to me and how they taught me a lot of things that i know i couldn't get anywhere else..

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haay...it's really hard to say goodbye... =/

christmas party!

2007-12-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

today is the students' christmas party and their last day of school for the year. it was quite okay naman..although we had more fun during liane's send-off party..because we were complete then. but that's okay..cuz i know that we ended the year well. my class has been through a lot of things for this year, but i know that these stuff just made them better individuals and better students...

nathan..raven..chino..alec..won sok..bill..johnny..viktor..tj..galo..kelvin..kevin..elvin..brianna..toia..dani..
michelle..alliya..eileen..lora..liane..crystal..anna..nicole..melissa..

I'm really proud of my class! I LOVE THEM ALL!! =)

random questions...

2007-12-18T21:21:00.000-08:00

hehe halatang mejo maluwag ang schedule cuz i've got a lot of entries today..hehe

got this from my sister's blog, who got it from her friend's blog..here goes..

**NAME 7 THINGS THAT MUST ALWAYS BE IN YOUR BAG**

1. cellphone
2. wallet
3.. my kikay kit
4. alcohol
5. tissue (sabi nga nila, ung ang ministry ko e, kase i always have tissue whenever someone cries)
6. umbrella
7. house keys

**Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:**

1. listen to music
2. clean my room or office (although di halata at times..hehe)
3. pray for God's strength and grace to overflow

Name 5 favorite fruits:

1. mango
2. apple
3. strawberry
4. grape
5. ponkan

Name 3 things you are wearing right now:

1. reedley uniform
2. bracelet from terence
3. black shoes

What are you thinking about right now?
my future plans..Christmas gifts

Where is your phone?
with me..

Where do you sleep?
in my own room..

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
i'm wearing my uniform

What was the last thing you ate?
oishi chocolate pillows..addictive talaga un!

What kind of cell phone do you have?
Sony Ericsson w580i

What is the closest item near you that is white?
my hanky

What is the last movie you watched?
Gone Baby Gone by Ben Affleck..ok naman, full of cussing lang..

When did you last feel a tree with your bare hands?
hmmm..cant remember

:::::THE STRANGE ELEVEN::::

Eleven odd facts about yourself:

1. Are you photo addict? i guess, because of the sentimental value of each picture that i have..note: i rarely like solo pictures of myself (but i do get vain at times..hehe) ..i'd rather have pictures taken with friends and significant people

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am? meeting with Ms. Flor for the Year-End Awards (graduation, here we come!)

3. Do you care for your friendster? i think so..but not so much

4. How many different beverages have you drank since yesterday? Milk tea, water, coke

5. What are three things you wish to change about yourself?
- being hard on myself
- insecure at times
- can get irritated easily when not in the mood

6. What do you wish for? happiness and satisfaction for me and my family

7. When was the last time you got really hurt? hmmm..this is one of the things i would rather forget..

8. Any plans for tonight? wrap gifts!

9. Something you are excited about? christmas...new career

10. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? vanilla

11. Describe your keychain? Ate Honey's pasalubong from Singapore, the merlion. and rocking horses from a student

1. Do you know anyone in prison? i would love to know someone better..if that person is..............

2. If so, who? MICHAEL SCOFIELD, of course!

4. Party girl/boy or Home girl/boy? a little bit of both

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?! why should i?

6. Name someone you miss. a lot of people - Terence, my fantastic four, relatives in Pagsanjan

7. Are you named after a grandparent? nope

8. Who loves you? Jesus Loves me, this i know..for the Bible tells me so. =)

9. Have you ever broken a rib? nope

10. Would you rather be a girl or a guy? being a girl has its pros and cons..but im happy to be me!

1. Who is the most spoiled person you know? i'd rather not say..but you know who you are..hehehe

12. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love? true love of course, then we'd look for the million dollars together!

13. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older? hehe am i suppose to answer this? i've experienced both..so, i'd say 2 years older is better. since girls mature faster than guys, then we'd theoretically be the same age..hehe

14.. What's your favorite junk food? Doritos!

15. Do you have a porn collection? hehe of course not!

16. Is your birthday on a holiday? nope

17. Are you old enough to vote? yep

18. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now? none

19. Are you a vegetarian? nope, i love meat!

20. Do you worry about global warming? at times yeah..if i could do anything to help, in my own little way, i'd do it.

21. Do you like Polar bears? yes, yes! they look so adorable

22. What song do you want played at your funeral? actually, i've shared with april and rester my plans for my own funeral..(morbid, but yeah, i've thought about it)..i want everyone who will visit my wake to bring a picture of us together and those pictures will be made into this big collage on the wall. they can also pick out songs that remind them of me to be played at my wake...hehe of course, it has to be all about me! after all, that's my wake right..hehe

my family

2007-12-18T17:40:00.001-08:00

This is my family..Papa, Mama and Len..=) we have had our share of happy and not-so-happy moments (especially when most of us are tired and cranky)..but we know that at the end of the day, God's love and our love for each other keep us together...

I became closer to Papa now that I am older because it is only now that i started to appreciate the things that he has done for me and for my sister. he may not be that malambing to us, but the time that he spends for us (buying stuff for us, making us sundo wherever we are no matter what time, doing our projects when we were young, giving us anything we want and need) shows much he really loves us. I used to feel that he was very very strict with me, but now i understand that he was just protecting me..now, he may still be a bit strict, but i can reason out to him na and he listens naman. =)

Mama has always been the "sunshine" in our family. when the three of us are cranky and not in the mood already, expect her to still be in her usual happy self. and of course, expect her to bug you the more with her pagiging makulit, making you smile and just forget why you're cranky in the first place. i really look up to her for being very strong and hardworking. despite the fact that she needs to work long hours a day, we are still her priority. in fact, i can never recall a time wherein mama could not attend to my needs just because she's "busy." and even if she is away on trips, she would text and call daily, just to check in on us. i know that when i become a mom in the future, i want to be like that..=)

my younger sister,Ellen, is taking up Medicine now in UP..i have talked about her in my Friendster blog..and i will not get tired of saying na i am really proud of her. looking back on how she was before and how she is now, i can say that she is turning out to be a very beautiful person inside and out. i still remember before, when she used to cry over anything (she would even cry if classes get suspended, for fear of missing school) and when she would keep things to herself and never let anyone in. but it is very different now..in fact, i cry more now..and i can say that our relationship as sisters really improved. she is not only my sister..she is also my best friend. and i know that our friendship will just keep on getting better and better.

basta...I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH! and that sums it all up!

my triggie

2007-12-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

WHY DO I LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH?

*he makes me smile - with his kind and encouraging words, CORNY jokes, loving stares and endless kwentos.

*he makes me feel that i can do whatever i set my mind on

*he is determined to make a name for himself and is persevering when it comes to things he wants to achieve

*he plans for our future together..he wants us to be fully prepared before we settle down

*he is a man of his word (integ daw kase! hehe)

*he is caring and loving to his family

*he is caring and loving to my family

*he gets along well with my relatives and little cousins..especially his bonding with his pareng josh

*he holds his temper whenever i get unreasonable and emotional

*he holds and squeezes my hand when we're together

*he holds me tight whenever he's making lambing

*he makes funny faces when he knows that i am down or bored

*he always says "i love you" before putting the phone down

*he never wants the day to end without patching things up after a fight

*he never fails to kiss "hello" and "goodbye" to me

*the way we hold hands in silent prayer before we eat

*he tries to understand me at all times and accepts me for the person i really am - strengths, flaws and all

liane's send off party..

2007-12-18T15:14:00.000-08:00

we had a surprise send-off party for liane yesterday. liane will be going back to korea this week and she will not come back to school anymore. it saddened my whole class because she is considered the baby of our section. she is always sweet and caring, very supportive of the class.. we can never forget her words of encouragement whenever needed - choral recitation, sportsfest, reading of honors..

i was teary-eyed when they made a powerpoint presentation for her..saying that, columbia will never be complete without her. it made me happy to know that i was able to emphasize the importance of each one of them to the class..that they all complete the class. =)

haaay..goodbyes really suck for me..=( but i know that wherever liane goes, she will bring with her the lessons she has learned in life and i know that she will go a long way..take care my sweet liane..i will definitely miss talking to you..

blogger? me?

2007-12-18T15:04:00.000-08:00

yes, i am taking this blogging thing to the next level..=P i decided to make my own blog cuz i feel like the friendster blog is not enough..hehe and to think that i didnt actually find this interesting before..=) well, things do change..i now find it easier to write down my feelings and thoughts for people to see..